keskiviikko 12. joulukuuta 2012

Day 210 - Re-writing the Scripting Language of Me: That which I can know: my physical self "vs" my conceptual self.

Emotions and feelings are circumstantial, meaning that they require for me to have a "point of view" about the situation through which the various conditions, people and relationships around me produce an image of myself, the world and others that makes me feel this or that.

I've talked about "that which I can know" and I've talked about "myself" within this context, but in fact there is "two sides of myself" that I am able to keep an eye on: my physical self who is here in each and every moment - my physical form that moves, breathes, makes noise, eats, sleeps and dispenses waste - and my conceptual self - my "body of" thoughts, feelings and emotions that moves according to "my point of view" through my own accepted and allowed participation.

This duality is depicted in science as our psychophysical nature. While this is extremely difficult to research, it is quite simple to experience. I can feel my muscles tense up with anger while I simultaneously see all the thoughts, ideas, perceptions, beliefs and definitions that make my anger possible on a conceptual level.

What this perspective offers is a way for me to support myself within the realization that my physical self is real - a self-evident axiom that I am unable to escape - and my conceptual self is circumstantial. Ultimately that anger is nothing more than my muscles tensing up, upon which and in reaction to I use my mind in a way that makes me angry. From the perspective of my conceptual self that anger can be extremely complicated, but from the perspective of my physical self the anger will never be anything more than the physiological phenomenon. Thereby from the perspective of my conceptual self I can be quite limited - stuck between questions that ask how could I forgive or let go when and because of this, this and that - while from the perspective of my physical self I always have A LOT of freedom. There is no power in the world that can forbid me from relaxing my body expect myself - unless I only approach things through my conceptual self only without realizing that it is my own creation.

This is the point of stability that I will utilize when exploring who I am - or more specifically who I've accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I commit myself to bring the phenomenon of my conceptual self (thoughts, emotions, feeling and reactions) back to my physical self to see what is the physical counterpart of this phenomenon to gain insight on what it is that I am doing on myself and to "have a grip" on reality - to hold things in perspective. 

I commit myself to explore and investigate how I can direct my physical self and how this affects my conceptual self. 

I commit myself to explore and investigate how I can direct my conceptual self and how this affects my physical self. 

I commit myself to make the simplicity of the physical the starting point of my existence (through breathing, patience and practice) - in that I commit myself to see that anger (and other conceptual phenomenon) as the physiological phenomenon that it actually is within the realization that it is what I actually live out and what I live out is what matters - it is what happens in matter.

I commit myself to not confuse my circumstantial experiences (my thoughts, feelings and emotions) with actual reality, to not forget that only the actual reality is what I have to live without the consent of my participation and to explore how my thoughts influence my physical through self-honesty and writing; and to stop confusing how my thoughts influence my physical existence with my actual physical existence and to see what I can stop and what not - thereby determining what is actually real in my life.

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