keskiviikko 9. tammikuuta 2013

Day 240 - "Doing commerce" with promises to myself to be able to remain within my comfort zone.



Pattern: I procrastinate with something by re-thinking my schedule in a way where I promise to be more effective in the future to be able to slack off right now.

When and as I see myself considering whether or not to procrastinate (meaning to choose to do something later) I stop, I breathe and I check myself with self-honesty to determine why I am choosing to do something later. If I can see that I could actually carry my responsibilities now I will do it within the realization that this is pretty much the only way to train myself in effectiveness. 

I commit myself here to practice this with patience and moment by moment and to not set any ideals for myself within the realization that this too is ultimately a handicap on the exercise - ideals create pressures to perform and self-judgement in failure.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to "do commerce" with my own time by promising myself what I will do in the future instead of focusing on what I Can do in the moment. 

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the common motive behind my "commerce" is to "get to" do stuff from within my comfort zone, and thereby to enforce my limitations as my comfort zone. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to do this "commerce" by thinking whether or not I can procrastinate if I promise to be more productive in somewhere in the future. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that each time I decide to do something later out of self-interest I will support myself to procrastinate. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that each time I decide to do something later out of self-honesty I will support myself to rest. 

In the act of procrastinating I "give up" (myself) to the resistance that I have towards doing work or study (for example; these are my current responsibilities). In allowing myself to do this after doing "commerce" with promises to myself I  believe that doing that something later will be easier - but it ain't - especially if I procrastinate simply out of laziness (for example).

When and as I see myself considering to procrastinate - for example within a lengthy task - I stop, I breathe and I check with self-honesty why I want to procrastinate. I realize that each time I stand up to laziness I assist and support myself to overcome this habit and each time I rest when needed I Will assist and support myself to learn how to do this effectively. 

I realize that procrastination actually makes my resistances worse through "you become what you do", and thereby I commit myself to assist and support myself to practice to expand my comfort zone moment by moment.

A point that I need to learn within this is when a break is in order and when I should "push through" my desire to take a break to do something else (than work and study for example).

When and as I see a resistance towards continuing carrying out my daily endeavors and a desire to have some time for myself/rest, I stop, I breathe and I check my physical experience with self-honesty to determine my actual condition, and this is what I will base my decision on. I commit myself to do this within the understanding that "I become what I do" and that I should listen to my physical in self-honesty over my self-interest.

I commit myself to be kind to myself throughout this practice (much through not having myself chase after, and compare myself to, ideals and others). 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create ideals for myself when considering "how to improve myself" - how to live a life that I can self-honestly call living - without realizing that in this I create pressure for myself to perform, self-judgment in failure and comparison to justify. 

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