maanantai 28. tammikuuta 2013

Day 260 - Slowing down.



In my previous posts (Anger part 1 and part 2&3) I opened up how I accumulated an experience of anger and frustration. This was quite enlightening:

I've experienced this same anger and frustration throughout my life. Now for the first time I realize how these experiences are the result of a process of accumulation over a long period of time, and NOT who I am. If I react to something with anger, it doesn't mean that the object of my anger is anger provoking in itself (!), it means that I reacted with anger - and this is what I must carry responsibility for as no one can do it for me.

The way I piss myself off is with occasional thoughts, judgments, blame, projection, comparison and self-judgment, self-blame and self-victimization (maybe other points as well). Now each and everyone of these points is something that I am more than able to stop in themselves. 

Because it is next to impossible to stop when I've already accumulated an experience of anger/frustration over weeks or months, I will thereby assist and support myself out of these experiences by directing myself to stop what I can stop and to thereby avoid accumulating strong emotions. 

Breathing HERE is essential in this, as from breathing HERE I am able to develop my stability, ability to stop and my self-awareness. 

Much of what I do still "passes me by" without me noticing, yet even though I might not notice what I do I still do it and create the consequence - there is no force on this Earth that will "set me free" from this. Also, many methods by which I accumulate experiences are still unknown to me and thereby writing and processing what I find is also important.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that "who I am" is who I believe and perceive myself to be - who I think I am when I look at myself within and as my thoughts. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that who I am exists HERE in each and every moment, and I create my life through what I accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that I am not "free" as each action carries a consequence regardless of its justification.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that I am able to avoid the consequences of my own actions just because I have decided, without actually knowing for sure, that what I do is "fine". 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that the only thing that matters is who I am in this very moment (the one ongoing moment that is constantly HERE) because what I accept and allow within the moment that is HERE is what I live out, what I create consequences with and what I accumulate within myself and in my environment. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to view myself, others and life through morality - how things "should" go - without realizing that this doesn't exist nor can I ever dictate to the universe how it should unfold through my own sense of morality without extensive arrogance and ignorance.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that actions have consequences regardless of what I think or feel - regardless of my sense of morality. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that I must look at how things are with brutal self-honesty - to not see anger, but self-limitation for example. 


I commit myself to practice, assist and support myself to slow myself down and to live within and as breath within each and every moment in order to see all the thoughts, emotions, feelings and reactions that I experiences that I accept and allow during my days, so that through this awareness I am able to see what I accept and allow - to see what I live out. 

I commit myself to write about what I find, to investigate how I create my experience and to support myself to stop the pattern like I did with the point of Anger. 

I commit myself to practice directing what I accept and allow within myself within the realization that if I do not do this I am not living my own life - in this, I commit myself to never take seriously the justification of "I can't" - I commit myself to not give into Fear&Desire. 

I commit myself to keep on mapping out the ways I accumulate the experiences that are present in my life (Like I did with Anger), to carry responsibility for them by stopping the patterns in the moments they arise and to practice living in a way that is aligned to common sense (over opinion) and what is best for all (over self-interest).  

I commit myself to walk this process with self-honesty to see if I really change or not, and with humility and patience within doing whatever is necessary to sort myself out - to bring myself back HERE in the moment in such a way that there exists nothing within me that is "out of my control".

I commit myself to view everything through the practicality - people as who they really are within the moment and actions/thoughts/feelings/emotions through their practical consequences. 


When and as I see myself falling out of breath or "racing within myself" I stop, I breathe and I realize that I am not here but in the mind. I slow myself down and I breathe to stabilize myself HERE. I then check the point that I "followed" "away from HERE". I commit myself to carry responsibility for everything I find without excuses with the following tools: identifying the point with self-honesty, writing to realize the full extent of the point, self-forgiveness to release myself from the point, breathing to stop the point and common sense to find a new way to go about the point. 

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