Day 263-264 - Stopping Projections and Staying in Breath.

NOTE: I will post the rest tomorrow. I've been busy catching up with my regular work since I got back and I got everything up to speed today!

I got back from the Job that I did over the weekend and the start of the week. I will now posts about what I faced there...

When I heard that I was needed for a job out of town I started to think what it will be like. I noticed that I was weary for working in a factory of a company as a representative of another. I projected to how it will by considering what kind of people I will meet – what kind of lives these factory workers live – what are they exposed to within their world – what do they know? As if this is the determining factor of how I "should" act towards them. 

I realized that regardless of the what kind of a situation I am in, I will have to live it one moment at a time. I took as my goal to get the job done and to face the environment open and equal with others there (free from perceptions that separates me from the other factory workers).

When I arrived there for the first half day (5 hours) this perspective made me ”find my place” from the situation and for me to ”be part of the situation”.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think how a future situation will be like from the perspective of my social anxieties and fears instead of practical considerations.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that when I think how a situation will socially go I only see a single chain of events out of an infinity of possibilities – and that if I hold on to my projection instead of living through the event moment by moment I might live out my projection through the principle of ”self-manifesting prophecy”.

I commit myself to face how I think how future situations will go socially to see what kind of world, what kind of people I see around me, and what kind of a relationship I see myself to have with everything.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to project to future situations that I am weary of ”in the search” of ”danger”.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that in this I search for things to fear, and that this usually ends up being a ”self-manifesting prophecy”.

I commit myself to carry responsibility for my projections by letting them go and facing them (and their ”internal” arrangements) for what they are – and to assist and support myself to apply this in the moments that I participate in projection.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the fear that I've found from my projections by never living without being influenced by it when the situation is actually here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that no matter what I've thought I am not threatened until I am actually threatened.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT test out my fear by after finding something to fear in a future situation then living without the presence of the previously projected fear all together – but by being weary of whether or not the situation is as I thought it would be.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to live through situations one moment at a time instead of through being weary whether or not my past projections will come true.