torstai 7. helmikuuta 2013

Day 265&266 - Exhaustion and Assumptions.




NOTE: this post contains a single day worth of events and two days worth of writing, thus it is 265 & 266.

Assumptions were broken today when I saw that a person was much more insightful than I gave him credit for.

I realized that this point is another manifestation of comparing how much people know to how much I know and to how much "one should know" in this current world. Here I realized that I had not seen the real person, but only the assumptions I held of him, and that I had accepted and allowed that assumption to guide who I was with this person.

I realized that this perspective of ”interaction should depend on how knowledgeable a person is” overlooks the fact that in most cases life stands separate from knowledge (at the job life was the actions that pushed things forward). Therefore when I choose to act differently due to my own comparisons in knowledge, I usually just end up limiting my own behavior according to my own ideas.

After I understood this I went about my day moment by moment – not accepting and allowing my judgments of how knowledgeable people are to influence my behavior. The day went great for the first 10 hours. Then came the tiredness...

I noticed that out of simple physical exhaustion – which just ultimately makes me move slower – I create a reactionary backchat in which I went for example ”Phew, I am so tired!”. With each thought like this – ones that acknowledged my tiredness – I created and accumulated an experience of tiredness: loss of focus, disdain for work, etc. I stopped these thoughts and focused on my breathing which was a great support to not loose focus on my work. 

When the day was over I was glad, which indicates that I had a resistance towards the work that got released. I did stop my thoughts of tiredness but not completely it would seem. Never the less I learned a lot.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe my own thoughts about other people – not looking at who they really are but at who I perceive and believe them to be.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create beliefs about other people by thinking about other people and believing that the ”actor” I hold in place of the real person is actually the truth of things.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that when I am with another person my experience with this person is created from what I've thought about him/her in the past and not let go – as this is the image I hold in the place of the real person, and that I when I experience myself according to this image I believe and perceive it to be true.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that the "actors" I use within my thoughts in the place of real people (as real people can never be in side of my head in fact) are not real, but assumptions. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that life stands separate of my mind - lived actions are not the same as thoughts concerning this practicality. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to influence my practical living with social considerations - in that, I take into account something that is arbitrary (the social world) as if it was real (that it cannot be changed).

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that when I project to how a situation will be by assessing (judging) the people involved - and when I hold on this projection and allow it to influence my experience - I limit myself from utilizing all the possibilities that I have (as lived actions - as life). 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by judging how a situation is a limiting myself accordingly - instead of living using practical common sense and addressing situations as they come (where my limitations try to avoid conflicts for example, I here live as myself according to practical common sense and address conflicts as they come). 

When and as I see myself projecting to a future situation by assessing (judging) people who will be involved I stop, I breathe and I realize that I am creating assumptions, ideas, perceptions and beliefs about these people unless I let this projection go because otherwise it will influence my experience when the moment I project to is here. I realize that I create my experience by "being on the look out for" whether or not the situation is as I predicted it to be because this form of observation is biased - biased in trying to prove that my projection is correct. I stop, I make sure that I let go of the projection and when the moment is here I breathe and I won't accept and allow my experience to be influenced by past projections. I will live through the moment breath by breath and moment by moment instead to so enable me to be able to "choose from" all the options that are actually open to me when considering practical actions. 

I commit myself to see people as who they are in the moment instead of "in the light of" my past projections. 

I commit myself to practice to identify, face and stop my experience being influenced by my past projections. 

I commit myself to carry responsibility for my past projections by identifying and stopping how my experience is being influenced by it - so that I will be myself when meeting people and so that the social world that I will face is "a reaction towards" who I really am - in this, I commit myself to carry my responsibility (or at least part of) for the social situations that I live through. 


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to physical exhaustion with backchat that acknowledges my tiredness without realizing that this creates and accumulates and experience of tiredness: disdain for practical actions, interaction and loss of focus. 

I commit myself to face the nature of my backchat to determine what kind of an experience I am acknowledging (creating) with it, and I commit myself to carry responsibility for what I myself create through what I accept and allow. 

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