sunnuntai 17. helmikuuta 2013

Day 273 - When in thought I forget to move with my physical.



Before I left town to do the job I listened through What is Sex? - Introduction. The interview stated (but not in these exact words) that as people get older and their minds become more define – more ”ever present” – they move less and less with their physical bodies (the motion of breathing, the constantly changing position/posture and the like) because they are more focused on their minds, and that this quite harmful to the body.

This point came up when I was tired and sore after 12h of physical work so I started to test the point out.

So I felt stuffy and droopy in the morning. I started to backchat about the experience (”holy shit I am tired” and the like) and the experience got a more intense. Remembering the part about moving with my physical I started to move myself with my breathing and I stopped participating in the backchat. This helped me to get a grip on the fact that much of the experience was indeed me feeling the way I did, and that I was not that stuffy or droopy in fact. Slowly but surely the experience started to dissipate with each breath that I took. After a while there was still some physical discomfort left but it was very small in comparison to the discomfort that I was in when I woke up. I concluded that this was what was real about the experience – the experience as it was without me ”enhancing it” with reactions and backchat.


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that if I focus on an experience with my mind (backchat) I will make it more.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that that which doesn't go away after I stop believing in it/ focusing on it is real.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that the experience that is left when I do not backchat about what I experience in anyway whatsoever is the experience that is real – the experience that I "have to" live with.

When and as I see myself going into backchat about how I feel I stop, I breathe and I realize that in this I will support the experience that I have. I realize that I am able to make my experience more than it actually is through what I think about it and how I react to it consciously and unconsciously. I realize that the choice of what I accept and allow within myself is the point to direct in order to carry responsibility for my own experience, and that only if I accept and allow myself to be here within and as breath do I feel that which I cannot direct - how my physical body actually is. In this, I commit myself to face tiredness and exhaustion without backchat within and as breath and I commit myself to identify, face, sort out and direct other experiences that I am prone to "make more" than they actually are with my backchat.  


I started to note when and how I fell out of breath during my day at work and I noticed that whenever I did so I became stagnant and motionless – I don't mean that I froze up into a single posture like a statue but that I suppressed (or did not experience) the small motions that my body is constantly in: breathing, blinking and the constant small changes in my position/posture. I realized that whenever I lived the moment through observing stuff through my mind I made myself stagnant and that this was indeed harmful to the body because when I did physical labor through this "stagnation" I often moved myself from postures that weren't good for me. I also noticed that when I was "stagnated" I didn't breathe and thereby I became tired and exhausted more quickly when I did something from within this "stagnation".


I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to do physical labor from within my mind without realizing that in this I am not giving my physical and the physical reality around me my entire focus which is required for me to be able to move myself in a way that takes into account each and every part of me. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to move myself without focusing on my body and the motion itself, and that I've accepted and allowed myself to move myself in harmful ways by not focusing enough on what I do. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hurt myself by disregarding what is HERE. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that I have only a single point of focus and if I thereby think while I do I am not fully focusing on, and I am not thereby fully doing, what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT focus on myself HERE and the physical reality around me that is HERE fully when I am doing a physical tasks, but that I've accepted and allowed myself to think this and that while I do what I do without realizing that my lack of focus is harmful. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to NOT realize that when I am not focusing on myself here, but being projected up in my mind, I am not moving with the natural movement of my physical and that this "stagnation" is harmful to me as my physical body as I am not allowing the natural movement that the body requires to sustain and maintain itself. 

I commit myself to practice moving with my physical and to do my thinking as a separate action instead of trying to think while I do. 

I commit myself to explore the natural motion that my body is constantly in and to practice to move with it in each and every moment. 

I commit myself to respect and to consider my physical existence by giving it the focus it requires. 

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